I was so sure we'd turned the corner and then this morning, BAM, Bee starts the day with vomit and a fever. The desire to bang my head against a wall repeatedly was strong, but I resisted the urge and instead called my sister and wailed over the phone about how I am the worst mother ever, because, of course, having sick kids is obviously my fault. Now that the kids are all in bed, I've stopped fruitlessly blaming myself for the fact that our home is a gigantic petri dish and instead put my mind to good use thinking about what I've learned through these last few weeks of fever, coughs, snot, vomit, and exhaustion. This was inspired by today's realization that Bruiser not fully occupied by his twin is like a pinball rocketing around the house, knocking over everyone's sanity at top speed. It made school a little more interesting than I bargained for.
Anyway, other things I've learned through the season of sick:
- Momming sick kids who now know how to throw up in a trash can is way easier than momming sick kids who have no concept of what in the world their bodies are doing and so let the vomit fall as it pleases.
- If you have to get the flu while your husband is gone on a work trip, make sure that you time it so that your most responsible eldest child has already finished his round of three day fever so you can foist off all the parenting (by which I mean, the making of PBJs) on him while you lie on the couch comatose.
- Friends who leave soup for you on the porch are amazing. So is Walmart curbside pick up when you've run out of Children's Tylenol but don't want to drag all the kids through the grocery store for it.
- You will feel guilty for threatening to spray your son with vinegar water if he doesn't get out of bed when, one hour later, you discover he's running a fever of 103.
- When the kids all insist on their own birthday cakes during birthday week (technically the twins shared a cake, but they are one in their own special twin bond) and then get too sick to eat the massive amount of cake you lovingly prepared, you will not be suitably upset when you discover that the dog and cats managed to get under the foil and eat half of Little's sheet cake.
- Some sicknesses you can rally your way out of. Then there is the flu. Accept defeat and go back to bed.
- Littles will be so happy to not be sick that he will insist on celebrating every meal with birthday candles. This will not entertain Tiny, who is still sick. It will also backfire massively when breakfast is fresh from the oven blueberry muffins. Good thing a little wax never killed anyone.
- The sight of your baby without a snot slug sliding from her nose for the first time in weeks will so endear her to you that you will barely be able to keep from kissing her all over. You will also be shocked to discover how much happier she is when she's not sick. It's almost miraculous.
- Your kid might be sick if they a) curl up in their kitchen chair at breakfast, b) lie down at the top of the stair landing for no apparent reason, c) spontaneously nap on the love seat, d) put themselves to bed without parental supervision, or e) skip out on birthday tacos. You might be sick if you can't even drink your coffee in the morning. Your kids will, at that point, be convinced that you're dying.