The Waiting

I'm sitting here in the living room, laptop perched on what's left of my lap, while Little Man plays on the floor and Trig-Dog noses around the Christmas tree, making the tiny jingle bells ring nervously. It's grown dark suddenly, and the only light in the room is from the tiny white lights on the tree. I feel no need to change that. The house is cozy, and I am thinking of good things: the love of friends and family, the celebration of Christ's coming, the goodness of being home and together (even though the Man is passed out cold in the bedroom after a long two weeks of pre-Christmas work), and, of course, the anticipation of Tiny.

I've been bad about blogging lately for the sole reason that I've wanted to spare you the roller coaster of pregnancy hormones that my poor husband has been subjected to the last month (he maintains that I could've been a lot worse but I see that panicked look in his eyes that says, "When do I get my wife back?"). But today is an up day, and so I thought I'd stop in to say hi, especially since Tiny could be here any day now, and I don't remember being the best blogger in the first few months of Little Man. For now, though, we're waiting.

It's those last few days when everything that has to be done has already been done and you sit around looking at the pile of freshly laundered and folded burp rags, the empty crib which is quickly collecting cat hair, and the mostly packed hospital bag. Of course, it seems in that moment everyone else but you is having their babies, and facebook is quick to confirm this, so you quit getting on facebook but then your only distraction from the wait is gluing yourself to the kitchen window in the hopes that something--anything--exciting will happen outside. I tried to bribe the Man's cops to start arresting people in front of the house, but they didn't go for it. But underneath it all, there's that little tremor of excitement every morning when I wake up and wonder if today could be the day that Tiny comes. And that makes me think about Jesus (because if I woke up every day and made my To Do list based on the idea that Jesus could show up today and lived with that undercurrent of anticipation that I have for Tiny... well, who knows what my life could turn into?).

In the meantime, I plan to enjoy Christmas and all it entails and try to let the waiting be a good thing. At the very least, I can thoroughly relish that as a nine months pregnant woman no one is going to stop me from sneaking into the fridge and "evening up" the fudge. And it sure is good...