Delight and Desire

Last night the kids and I were reading a Max Lucado devotional on Psalm 37:4. The translation the devotional book used read, "Enjoy serving the Lord. And he will give you what you want." I made the kids stop and talk about it with me (being such a fun mommy to little people), and I told them why I preferred the wording that says, "Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

That translation hits closer to the heart of the matter which tells us that any time we love someone other than ourselves--really love them--then our desires change to reflect that. When we are delighting in Christ, we no longer want the things that we used to want. We see this with our spouses and our kids and, really, any friendship. Because I love the Man, suddenly I want to live in an RV with five kids and three pets--ha!--than endure another separation. Because I love my kids, I'd rather spend money on things they need than things I want, I try to choose their best even if that makes things more complicated for me. Because I love my friends, I rearrange my schedule to accommodate them, ensuring that we see each other, or spend time making phone calls and sending emails.

It made me think of Anne Shirley, honestly, the part at the end of Anne of the Island when Gilbert is proposing to her (again) and he apologizes for the long road ahead of them and that he can't offer her any of the things that she had once dreamed of. She responds, "I don't want sunbursts and marble halls. I just want YOU." This is how we know what love is: when our love for the other person shifts our desires permanently.

We've all seen that trope in movies about the woman falls in love with the man and completely cedes everything about who she is (or has children and loses everything about her personality). This is not what I'm talking about. This is not losing all sense of self or becoming automatons or trying to cram ourselves into spaces we were never intended to fill. This is acknowledging that suddenly someone else's joy matters in new ways, someone else's happiness, someone else's health.

So my questions for myself today have been this: do I still want the same things I wanted before I had children, fell in love, chose Jesus? What has changed? Why? Do my desires reflect what I claim to love? Not every desire is going to change. I love to write. I love to read. I love the ocean and rainy days and coffee. None of those things are bad--in fact, all of those things are ways God made me for his glory.

But if I have to choose between finishing my book and listening to my husband tell me about his rough day at work, which will I choose? If I haven't had my coffee yet and my kids have all tumbled out of bed at an obscenely early hour, how do I respond? If God gives me sunshiny suburbia and a schedule that makes writing a challenge, am I bitter?

I want to make sure that my desires are directly related to the people and things in which I claim to find delight.

{Pictures from our recent family vacation to St Augustine.}