End of Year Reflection

December is my favorite month of the year. Most people assume that's because it contains my birthday (true) and that I'm self-absorbed and greedy (also true), but it's also because, at the end of the year and beginning of a new one, we find time for introspection and assessment--at least we should, if we're not too busy celebrating. 

Trees

Carving out space for contemplation can be a challenge, though, at this time of year and easily pushed to the side if I'm not careful. This month included two sets of house guests, a cross country trip, wrapping up a semester of school, and all the excitement of birthdays and Christmas and anniversaries and a new year. If I'm not careful, the time slips away before I know it, and it's mid-January and I have no idea how the last year really went (not the cliches of a 2020 dumpster fire, but the real struggle and progress) and no idea what I hope for from the next.

Yesterday I read this quick thought from Piper about thinking through what we want to accomplish in a day before we roll out of bed in the morning and not being leaves blowing aimlessly in the wind without really going anywhere. It reminded me of how I ask my weekly Bible study kids to set their intention for the week before we sign off on Zoom. I set mine too and write it down in my journal and try not to forget about it over the next six days. 

Some weeks I forget about it.

Our last meeting before Christmas, I actually told the kids what my intention was because it was an area where I needed prayer. Guess what I haven't forgotten about since then? That's right. The intention. And even though I can't quite say I've gotten a check mark in that area, it has been worked on and struggled with since that afternoon meeting.

It's made me wonder how much power there was just in telling someone.

Sun

So here's my challenge for you as the year draws to a close: talk about it. Sit down with someone you trust and love (or a handful of someones) and share what went well this year, what good books you read, where you really failed, what hard things you tackled... then leave space to talk about what you'd like to continue or tweak or do completely differently in the coming year. 

I'm not saying make a resolution. I am saying come up with an idea of what direction you want to head.

As a military spouse, I get to pick up and start over again every time we move. Things that weren't working are a lot easier to leave behind when you are physically in a different place. New habits that I may want to pick up are easier to build in when you're restarting your life from the ground up. Not all of us have this opportunity. But we all have the hard stop of the old year ending to act as a catalyst. Let's not waste this opportunity.

While we are still gathered with family or tucked away at home in the quiet space of winter, now that the Christmas preparation and partying is done, let's take the time to think through what has come before and what will come next--and verbalize our thoughts on what we see in hindsight and foresight. Let's do this not only for ourselves but also for someone else who may need to speak their own hopes into the void and hear them echo back into their ears.

As we end the Christmas season where we ponder the miracle of Emmanuel, God with us, may we take the time to be with ourselves and with others, allowing for the margin that we really need to think and grow and breathe and progress forward into the new space of the year ahead.

Mountain

{Helpful photo captions provided by The Man who thought I wouldn't notice. I noticed.}

Provision in the Unpredictable

It's my twenty thousandth time reading the Christmas story (give or take a few), but this year it becomes about control...and provision.

This year I see Mary and Joseph, told where to go and what to do, unable to provide the basic things we things we need (shelter, medical care, community), forced to leave their home and travel elsewhere because a king in a foreign land decided it was so. They have no power, no say, no control.

We resonate with that this year. We have been told not to leave our homes, not to meet in our churches, not to go anywhere without a mask on. Some of us have lost our jobs, our homes, our health, our friends and family. We feel like our control has been wrenched from our hands and given to the powers-that-be in Washington, and we have no other choice but to comply.

Then I see God's provision, not the provision that Mary and Joseph might have wanted (the census cancelled so they could stay home, perhaps, or even a room at the inn, which seems little enough to ask), but the provision that they were given--a stable with animals in which the Lamb of God was to be born. This was a provision that was just enough (though at the time it might've seemed far less than enough), and prepared the way for the greatest provision of all--a sacrifice that could take away the sins of the world, a provision far more than we deserve.

I wonder: what are the ways that God has provided for us this year, ways that are just enough (though perhaps they seem far less than enough at the time), provisions that years from now may point the way back to Christ, to grace, to wholeness, though we don't realize that now? 

For me, in a year with less control than usual, perhaps, He provided a long distance Zoom Bible study for my ten year old; He provided neighbors willing to welcome us into a new neighborhood; He provided a church and a homeschool community willing to take creative measures to keep meeting in person; He provided a yard where my children can play outdoors; He provided plane tickets and clean bills of health and masks so that we could fly to see my in-law's for Christmas (even with my husband's Achilles tendon partially torn). He provided a library with curbside pickup and groceries delivered to the trunk of my car and flexible children ready to roll with the punches.  

As I count the provisions, they begin to snowball, letting me see one after another after another, opening my eyes to God's goodness even as I acknowledge that I am not the one running the show...and neither is COVID-19. God prepared every detail of his son's coming, down to Caesar Augustus demanding a census so that a prophecy given 600 years before could be fulfilled with Jesus' birth in Bethlehem, a birth with the least of these for whom he came to die, a birth befitting a perfect sacrifice.

And as I count the provisions, I hear my heart quietly remembering: all this and Christ too. I may not have control of much, but I do have all this...and Christ too. And as I sit beside my husband, our youngest daughter cuddled between us and the lights of the Christmas tree mingling with firelight and the glow of computer screens as we work, I think to myself: that's worth celebrating. 

Christ's provision may not look as we imagine, but it always turns out to be just enough, enough to help us see God more fully, enough to bring joy (if we look for it), enough to be worth treasuring up in our hearts.

Book Your Thanksgiving Now!

Looking to do a last minute pre-Thanksgiving library run so you're stocked up for your Thanksgiving break (and prepared in case everything shuts back down after Thanksgiving due to Covid)? This is your last minute list! And it's extra last minute because you've got to believe I planned to write this yesterday but I got distracted by making empanadas. Also, while the kids and the Man say the homemade empanada dough was totally worth it for them, I'm not sure it was totally worth it for me. Just saying. Also, anything that resembles pie crust is not really my friend.

Not the point! The point is: books!

Tis the season to sit by the fire with a book.

First up, a few Thanksgiving themed reads. The kids really enjoyed both of these books about Sarah Hale (the woman who encouraged President Lincoln to declare Thanksgiving a national holiday): Thank You, Sarah by Laurie Halse Anderson and Sarah Gives Thanks by Mike Allegra. I personally loved that though both books had the same subject matter, the authors presented it in very different ways. Both were worth reading, and (surprisingly) the kids didn't mind reading them back to back.

Because Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday!
Other than Mersmas.

Next up was Thanks for Thanksgiving, which Bruiser absolutely loved. Also, he's totally reading now (though he kind of sounds like a robot running out of batteries), and this has been a huge win for me as a homeschool mom and as a woman who would desperately like to decrease the noise level in her home. Thanks for Thanksgiving is a good one for your littler dudes; Twinkle was also a huge fan. I'd also like to give a shout out to Eve Bunting's A Turkey for Thanksgiving (with great illustrations by Diane de Groat and a fun twist at the end) and Oge Mora's Thank You, Omu! (which was a great way to show my kids the far reaching affects of generosity and let them dip their toes in another culture).

Kid was super proud of himself.

Also making the rounds at our house are the Princess in Black books by Shannon Hale, which have been a smash hit with Bee, who more and more has her nose stuck in a book, and the Lloyd Alexander Prydain Chronicles, which were fantastic read alouds (I think I mentioned them in the last book blog--sorry if I did and there's a repeat). The best part about reading a series is that when you finish one book, you know exactly what you want to read next! And sometimes what you want to read next has international princesses and a monster who needs a bath (Princess in Black) or an enchanted princess and a hairy sidekick who needs a bath (Prydain Chronicles). Never mind, it sounds like these are pretty much the same series. Kidding! They could not be more different but are both funny and engaging and full of happiness.

Car time reading--when you know she's crossed 
into really being my daughter.

On a personal front, I plowed through Save the Cat! Writes a Novel thanks to a friend telling me it would fix all my writing issues (I think she may be overly optimistic, but it has been helpful). If you're a writer and need a jumping off point or just somewhere that will help you think about basic structure and plotting, this may be worth your time. I'll let you know if I ever get published again. Ha!

Please note the beautiful RV reflected in my sunglasses.
And then call me and offer to buy it off us...
preferably for an obscene amount of money.

And then there are the books that are just good for your soul. I already mentioned Andrew Murray's Abide in Christ. When I finished it, I moved onto The Storm-Tossed Family by Russell Moore. I'm still getting little snippets of that one in the mornings before the kids get up, and so far, it's been really thought provoking. I keep sending the Man snippets of quotes. I did pause in reading it, though, to plow through Anjuli Paschall's Stay which had some really excellent lines about relationships and gifting. You can tell she's naturally a blogger as the chapters are short and easy to digest quickly.

Reading good books helps my brain not turn to mush.

Then the Man read Conscience by Andrew David Naselli and J. D Crowley and has been trying to get me to read it too. It's going to happen--soon! He highly recommended it to both of our families, and since I trust his judgment, I'm going to highly recommend it to you. Without even reading it yet. Which shows you the extreme level of trust functioning in our marriage these days. Also, I'm a risk taker. He said it was especially timely for him to read considering our current political climate. Just throwing that out there for you.

According to the Man: worth my time.
And ostensibly yours.

But it's not all serious books. I also come bearing gifts of novels--but sadly without pictures since most of my novel reading happens on the kindle app of my phone (which means I can more easily read while washing dishes--I keep a towel over my shoulder so I can dry off a finger to flip the page). Ally Carter, one of my favorite young adult writers, put out a new book, Winterbourne Home of Vengeance and Valor, which kicks off a new series. I love Carter because she makes me laugh and keeps me guessing and is also the perfect light read when you're already 88% brain dead. Another favorite YA writer who also makes me laugh and keeps me guessing but cannot be read while brain dead (otherwise you'll have to reread to catch everything you missed) is Megan Whalen Turner, who just released the last book in her Queen's Thief series, Return of the Thief. It came in on my library app after a long day of teaching and could not have made my heart happier. I read the first book in the series, The Thief, when I was still in middle school, I think, and to get to see all the loose ends tied up made my heart happy, even though, honestly, it was not my favorite book in the series and I would quibble with Turner over a handful of the choices she made. There was no blind fan-girling, but there were a few hours of happy reading.

There was, however, blind fan-girling when I read Kate Milford's Greenglass House duology. If you can pick only two books for cozy fireside reading this winter, these were really delightful (and I'm trying to track down the other books she wrote in this world). Although they will make you want all the steaming beverages and leave you expecting snow at any moment, even though you know that's not realistically what will happen. 

The Man gets photo credit for this picture.
Also, is this not the perfect Sunday afternoon?

Last up, a quick smattering of nonfiction for your reading life. First up, Tribe by Sebastian Junger was a fascinating read and led to some great discussion time with the Man (so much so that we accidentally let Twinkle stay up an hour past her bedtime). If you are interested in the human psyche and how community and war affect it, this will give you some good food for thought. The Man and I had fun picking apart what we liked and disliked about the book and digging into how it affected our world view. Then, in my constant quest to read more memoirs, I read both Glitter and Glue by Kelly Corrigan and Life from Scratch by Sasha Martin. Both fascinating reads that delve into complex relationship with their moms, I especially loved Martin's international food flare and had to go poke around on her blog afterward. All three books were well worth my time.

And on that note, there are turkeys to brine and other work to do and a jug of milk left out on the counter after the kids got their own breakfast because I was ensconced in the recliner and not inclined to move. Also, the girls are now discussing making clothes for one of their dolls, and I'm terrified that scissors are involved. Happy Thanksgiving! Thank God for books and creative children and living life on the edge!

Forever Thankful

One of my favorite things about living in VA this year is getting to experience seasons again. After we left VA, nine years ago, we moved to southern Oklahoma, where you didn't have weather, you just had wind. Then we moved to the coast of California, where the weather was always perfect and never really changed--beautiful, but sometimes boring. From there we moved to southern Texas, where we pretended we were having seasons but knew we were lying to ourselves, and then to balmy Florida, where people routinely come to get away from the seasonal change and the only exciting seasonal change is a hurricane. So getting a year to really experience all the seasonal shifts, from sweltering summer to fiery fall to white winter (hopefully), has been more wonderful than I could've expected.

I say that and fully realize that I didn't grow up with seasons and shouldn't be as enamored of them as I am and will most likely be whining, come February, about how cold I am and how long it takes for spring to arrive. In the meantime, though, I am snapping picture after picture, and saying thank you.

I am especially thankful that we are here with these glowing leaves and chilly days because it appears we are heading to the desert after this, the Mojave Desert, to be exact. I don't think I'm going to be getting fall leaves while we are there. And I am purposefully committing to enjoy every minute of seasonal change while we are here.

With that said, I'm also committing to being thankful where we are going. It's a new adventure for our family--we've never lived in a desert before (though I was born in one, not so long ago). I hope to find myself saying thank you for the cactus and the vivid sunsets and the unique wildlife I would never have experienced anywhere else, just as much as I have said thank you for the morning glories on our back porch and the hill side of flaming trees and the trio of bats who like to swoop over our back porch every night. Just as I said thank you in Florida for the deserted base beach and the occasional thrill of seeing dolphins and the excitement of imagining I might get eaten by a bear while running....and thank you in Texas for the pecan trees and the turtle pond and the breakfast tacos just down the road (oh, the breakfast tacos...still saying thank you for those).

Still, even as I set my mind to say thank you at the next base, I wonder: is it easier for me to say do so in all circumstances because I know those circumstances are short term? You can deal with just about anything when it has an end date. Or am I merely remembering what many of us forget in our more sedentary lives: that nothing is forever?

Because even if you aren't the type to move every two years, you have children who will grow, friends who will drift in and out of your lives, jobs that will change, phases of life that come and go. The truth is that all seasons come to an end eventually, but choosing thankfulness prepares my heart for eternity.

Thankfulness reminds me that there is more to my life than what I see. The leaves change color and drift from the trees, but the One who made them is forever. When I train myself to say thank you, I'm remembering that life is not about my small concerns, but that He still cares for me and He still provides for them. When I train myself to say thank you, I'm recognizing that every good gift comes from above and that there are so very many good gifts. When I train myself to say thank you, I'm choosing not to let the struggles define my life (even when they are very real and very challenging) but rather the celebrations. One day in heaven, I'll get to celebrate the best gift of all--Christ's life given for me--and, after having practiced saying thank you for so many years, for once I will find that it is as natural as breathing because all the tears will have dried and all the brokenness been healed and there will be nothing left but the good for which I have long been grateful.

But until that day, I make the choice to look around with eyes wide open and to take a picture with my mind (and often with my phone too), a picture which will be just a tiny sliver of the glory that waits in forever. And I say thank you.

Friendship Curry

When we left Florida, I made a list of things I was going to miss...and things I was not going to miss. Because sometimes, it really helps to write things out so that later when you are romanticizing the last base, you have tangible evidence that, yes, you really did live in an RV where you thought the floor was going to give way at any moment and the cat litter had to hang out under the girls' bed, but also so that if you look back and start to think that everything must've been terrible (you lived in an RV with five kids and three pets!), you have written proof that you also had a sunrise over the water to enjoy every morning and dolphins who would drop by for breakfast (okay, that part didn't actually happen).

I'm so glad I took this picture back in FL,
so I can remember how wonderful that food was.

One of the things that I didn't expect to miss as much as I have, though, was quality Thai food. I'll admit, I knew our Thai place was good. I mean, it was my comfort food: five minutes down the road from us, it was the Man's best "My wife has had a long day, let me fix this" option. But we were moving to DC...ish. Obviously, there would be good Thai food in DC.

WRONG.

We've tried five different Thai places in our neighborhood now, and with the exception of the curry puffs (which is really kind of a DC specific Thai option, and I do love them), they have all been a disappointment. Every time, I get my hopes up. Every time, my curried dreams are crushed.

So today I manned up and made Thai red curry myself. And it was...okay. At least a little better than the bland, veggie-less sauces we've been getting from the nearby restaurants. The kids liked it (well, all except for Tiny who would survive on a diet of pizza, baby carrots, and donuts if given the choice), but the Man and I agreed it needed some tweaking.

The Man took this fancy photo of dinner in the works.
My wok can cook enough for a small country.
Which means, sometimes we have leftovers.

Part of the problem is that curry done well is a many layered thing. Or at least that's how it seems to me as I've been digging through recipes in search of one that can give me the quality I want for about 10% of the effort that should be required. The recipe I tried was merely okay because if you don't put in about thirty different ingredients and then let it simmer until the flavors meld, you just don't get the rich depth of a good curry. It's fine to feed a six year old, whose tastebuds are still in the developmental stage, but for a woman who comfort-ate her way through a swimming pool of curry last year: standards were not met.

I was thinking about these things while stirring the curry and simultaneously batting texts back and forth across the country to friends in TX, FL, VA, etc., people that we've met and maintained relationships with from our varied bases (and from life before that too). Much like my Thai place, we don't get to physically take the people with us, though--thanks to modern communication--many more of my friendships do get to travel with me, at least to a certain extent. With each move, the people I meet add a depth and richness to my life that I couldn't have anticipated. There was no gap in my friend circle, necessarily, but once I get to know these new souls, I wonder how I couldn't have missed them earlier.

This is the picture the Man sent me
while I was on an out of town trip to prove 
that, if I die, he can probably keep the kids alive.

For instance, our homeschool community in FL was incredible--they held me up during a season when we were all weary and worn, and let me do the same for them. It was hard to imagine that I could luck out enough to land in another great community when we got here, but we did! True, the relationships are not the same (who could expect them to be?), but the joy of getting to learn from the women I'm with now, enriches even further what I was able to gain from friends in FL, who had already added another layer to friends we'd left behind in TX, and so on.

This month, we got news about where we will be heading next. Yes, we just got here. That's how it works sometimes. We still have over half of a year left, but I am so grateful already to see the quality of the relationships that we have been able to build here. I hope I have been a blessing to those around me, but I know I have been blessed by them. They are secret ingredients in my life, helping give flavor and depth that I didn't even know I was missing. And that helps me look forward to the people I'll get to know at the next base too...no matter how exhausting building new community always is. Because when it comes to comfort: curry and community are really the best ways to go. Even if sometimes you really have to work for them.

This kids don't really care about curry
and are pretty sure they should satisfy all
community needs ever. Just saying.

Catching Up (Ish)

This morning, as I was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic waiting to get around a rainy day wreck and running progressively later and later for the class I was about to teach, I noticed that my sister had posted a new blog. Since I wasn't going anywhere, I decided to read while I waited. That was totally safe. 95 was a parking lot. Also, it was a great blog, and if you haven't read it, you should just go read hers and not worry about mine.

It was Character Dress Up Day today for our co-op.
I was Sleepy. Literally as well.

At any rate, reading her blog made me realize that November was upon us, and (behold!) there had been no blog this month. And then, when the traffic finally cleared out and we made it to the house where I was supposed to teach, I put the car in park and Bruiser decided it was a good time to blow some chunks. So, needless to say, we turned around and came home, and I found myself with a little bit of free time on my hands simply because I didn't teach today. Other than my own kids. Who still had to suffer through a shortened and probably not as fun version as what they would've gotten if we'd made it to co-op. Even Bruiser, who has been totally fine since managing to rearrange all of our plans and spent the afternoon outside happily playing football in the mud with his brothers.

The Man lugging our pumpkin.

The kids checking out some pigs at the farm we went to
with awesome friends.

The reason it is the last week of October and I am just now trying to hammer out a blog is simply because I am lazy. And also because we moved here less than four months ago, and we have already managed to do four out of town trips (three of them out of state) as well as joining a church, jumping into a co-op, meeting our neighbors, trying to do cool sight seeing homeschool mom field trippy things, and generally running a family. But mostly because I am lazy. And have been using my writing time for other things. But it could also be the lazy thing.

We got the kids over to the Marine Corps Museum
for some history!

Autumn happy.

Speaking of Marines, the Man brought me home this coffee.
I drank it and yelled, "Come on, you sons of Frizzells,
do you want to live forever?"
Then made the kids do PE with me.

Now, however, I find myself with too much stuff to jam into one blog. Do I tell you about shark teeth fossil hunting on the Maryland side of the Potomac? Or tracking down Indonesian food in downtown Philadelphia after standing in line for an hour and a half to see the Liberty Bell? Or the gorgeous fall leaves outside my bay window and the fires that have been cheering up our fireplace as the weather has gotten colder? Or how surreal it was to actually get to go in a library (by appointment, with masks on, after our temperature had been taken and we had been warned not to touch anything EVER unless it was coming home with us)?

Introducing the kids to Indonesian food.
It was a total win.
Tiny's yard long mie ayam noodle was his favorite.

That bowl was licked clean before she was done.
Metaphorically. She wasn't raised in a trailer park.

I was in my happy place. And so was the Man.

Or maybe I won't tell you about any of those things as the couch cushion covers (say that five times fast) just finished in the dryer and I have to figure out if I shrunk them too badly to put them back on?

This is us at Independence Hall.
We opted not to wait half a life time in a socially distanced queue
in order to go in.

We did wait forever to see the Liberty Bell though.
Kids said it was worth it.
Evidently they are highly motivated by history.
I'm highly motivated by coffee. And books.

Proof Twinkle and I were there.
Her permanent attachment to me was due to
a security guard who made the critical mistake of trying
to befriend her. Never make that mistake.
She is cute but terrifying. And also easily terrified.

Now that all the couch cushions have been put back on, I will answer the burning question you all had: no, I did not wash them due to barf. They started to inextricably smell like urine, which could be because we've had those couches for nine years and they sat in storage for a year and a half after a hurricane. Or it could be the five kids and three pets. Who knows! Such excitement in our home!

Incidentally, we didn't take the kids to a racist pub.
They were at Snow White Bar-B-Que.
Promise.

Getting to see my mother-in-law
is always a win in my book.
And worth every hour of driving,
even the one stuck behind a tractor going 3 mph.
Luckily, I had a book on me.

Also, getting to see my brother-in-law same same.

And my sister-in-law. 
Said bro-in-law got way better pictures that day,
but now I can't find them.

Here's my oldest sister
preparing for her future as an instagram influencer.
#cutiewithacremepuff

And Twinkle... because autumn...and boots.

And now I have just fifteen minutes left before I have to start churning out tacos for my horde (this blog was written in shifts, which makes it really confusing to read), so I think I'm going to slap some pictures in this blog so you can see what we've been up to...and call it a day. Blog check mark for the win. MOVING ON. Well, after I give you three more pictures. 

Shark tooth fossils.
They are small but mighty.

Best company for shark tooth hunting.

Intrepid paleontologists.
Also, proof this totally happened.
Who knew the Potomac River had shark teeth?

Are you not entertained?! Or merely overwhelmed by all the pictures... 

And now, since the kids have inhaled all the tacos (3 lbs of beef, 4 dozen taco shells/tortillas, and 2 cans of refried beans plus all the toppings--I kid you not), I think I'm going to go chuck their adorable selves in bed...and pray that our food budget can hold out for another few years. Here goes nothing!

Never mind, the Man chucked the kids in bed. So I'm now going to sit on my clean couch cushion covers (eat that alliteration) and revel in the quiet.