Tangential Revenge

I have a cricked neck. I mean, I have a crook in my neck--aaaaah! It's a crick in my neck! Now even that sounds wrong!

It's been a long day...

But the Man is still at work, I'm trying desperately not to watch JAG without him, and I must do something that doesn't require me to move my head (all my other plans today did not coincide with that desire--picking up dog poop, anyone?). So here you go.

A few of my new favourites:

• This morning I put "salad" in our smoothie. I like green. That is all.
• Spaghetti squash is evil. That also is all. No wait, it's not all. You should be glad that I'm typing this post with both hands still attached. Said squash was out to get me. It kept trying to use my knife against me and then it attempted to drown me in boiling water. So I ate it in revenge.
• Littles entertained himself this morning by pretending to be at church and reading out of my Indonesian Bible. From the kitchen, I hear him pronouncing to Tiny: "Jesus is born! Go to Ninevah and see a giraffe with a long neck!" 
• Flute practice provides never a dull moment around here. Littles likes to shove things up my flute while I'm playing (funny, his aunt used to do that too..). Tiny likes to accompany me exuberantly on the piano. I'm forced to stop mid-phrase to break up whatever mayhem is occurring. They both like to mimic my high notes by producing tin whistle squeals that make Trig-dog run around the house howling in pain. You get the picture. Today, flute practice was completely sabotaged by Tiny wanting dinner. Then he proceeded to sabotage dinner by wanting a bath. Fine: I retaliated by sabotaging his bath by finishing my practice with flute music propped up on the sink. Revenge is mine, sayeth the Mommy. (I promise I'm not usually this vengeful.)
• Last week my wonderful friends threw me a surprise birthday party in my own home. Not only did I not have to shove both kids into their car seats and get them buckled in while freezing and getting laughed at by people who don't have kids in bulky jackets, but I didn't even have to put on shoes to go to my own party! It was fantastic! Next year, I'll tell them to come over even earlier and provide me breakfast in bed.
• This year for Christmas, we decided to do one family present and then stocking stuffers. We bought ourselves a fire pit, and we are already enjoying it together (in spite of the nonstop Oklahoma wind). The only down side to this is that when I take the boys out to the yard with me so I can pick up the aforementioned dog poop, Tiny finds the lighter the Man left out and walks proudly around the yard trying to light the dog on fire. If only...
• I spent the morning going through baby clothes so I can pass them on to my new nephew who should arrive sans wardrobe sometime next spring. Baby clothes are tiny. Tiny is no longer tiny. When did this happen?

Supposedly the Man is almost home. He had to stop for AA batteries for the video camera at the front gate. Out of the goodness of my heart, I gave him the last two we possess this morning. Does anyone else have trouble keeping batteries in their home? Every time I turn around, one of the "men" is asking me for some. I wouldn't be surprised if Tiny's next word was "battery". Whatever happened to just reading books? They don't require batteries! (Incidentally, Jan Brett--it's so his week in our home. Who's That Knocking On Christmas Eve, anyone?) That was a tangent. The point is that when he does get home (after restocking on what is apparently an essential for our family), I will bribe him with food so that I can sit on the couch and do nothing for the rest of the night. By "do nothing" I mean "watch Harm and Mac save the day". I have a problem... 

And he's home! My life just got fifty million times better! This is no exaggeration...