Sunday, December 15, 2013

I'm Dreaming of a Non-Pregnant Christmas...

I hereby confess that I'm "so over" being pregnant, because at some point, well, we all need to call it a day. The stats tell us that the average twin pregnancy draws to a close during week 35. I'm closing out week 36. I've been stuck at 4cm for 2 weeks now with the twins in go position after 6 weeks of contractions, and So let's talk about this without whining or dramatics.

Just kidding.

Let's have LOTS of fun whining and dramatics! Specially accompanied by bullet points! (Only because I love you.)

So here it is. My complete list entitled: How You Know You're Over Your Twinancy.
  • Your best friend in sarcasm makes a joke and you totally and completely miss it. For the record, yes, the full moon does affect the tides. And yes, pregnancy does take away any ability to use your brain.
  • You are stopped at Walmart by wide eyed gawkers who affirm that they have never before seen anyone that big. Ever! You ruefully agree.
  • There are more stretch marks than skin on your belly.
  • Your doctor looks surprised when you show up for your regularly scheduled appointment.
  • Your nephew maintains that "Aunt Marian's belly is TOO full!" and your oldest son likens you to a whale. I can't make this stuff up, people.
  • When you go for a stroll around the block, you hold hands with your one-year old and sometimes think he's walking too fast.
  • There is no way to sit without your legs being assaulted by your boxing twins. In fact, there's a decidedly misshapen lump at the bottom of your belly where Baby B's head is. It's awkward. Sitting modestly in public: also awkward.
  • You purposefully tempt fate by going out in public and hoping your water will break. Walmart! The post office! Church! Sit down restaurants! I've tried them all!
  • Your To Do Before the Twins Arrive List is completely finished, and the fact that there's nothing left to do is driving you crazy. You have consequently begun to drive everyone else crazy. At the very least, the Man has a nice Christmas package on the way complete with the most awesome craft Tiny has ever created in his very short and creative two years. I'm a little disappointed in myself for not taking a picture of it before I sent it halfway around the world.
  • Snuggling with your post-utero children involves a lot of, "Ouch! Please don't put your elbow in Mommy's belly!" and "No! Do not sit on the twins!" and "I love you so much but if you poke me in the stomach one more time…"
  • You're so uncomfortable and tired that you want the twins to arrive even though you know you're going to be uncomfortable and tired in all new ways once they finally do. It's not about logic. It's about the all new level of pregnancy crazy into which you have descended.
  • You find yourself doing squats in the bathroom right before bed because making yourself go into labour at 10 o'clock at night is a brilliant idea.
Anyway, I just thought I would share. I will also share the below picture of my massive, almost 37 weeks twin-nant belly. Hope it won't break your computer screen.


  1. I do not have a high opinion of people at Walmart if they think you were the biggest thing they've ever seen. Walmart is full of huge people, and most are not as stylishly dressed as you :) Totally sympathising with frustration of listlessness - make a new one? You can start learning Dutch, for example. :)

  2. You are an amazing woman. Thanks for sharing so honestly. My mom said she could drink a quart of milk without blinking when she was preg with my twin and me. I sure think of her alot when I read your blog. Hang in won't be long now! By the mom says we were worth it all ! : ) I will be praying for you and all your sweet family. szeiger

  3. You. Are. Awesome. This picture blows my mind. Super woman and so cute, too!