Wednesday, August 20, 2014

An Open Letter to the A---- AFB Golf Course Rabbits (Part Two)

Dear Rabbits of the Golf Course,

It has been almost three years since our first correspondence, and the time has come to write you a goodbye note. It's been, well, a love/hate relationship for quite some time now, and though it pains me to say it, I don't think that I will miss you. I did, so very politely, ask you to do your utmost to avoid exacerbating my already slightly insane dog to no avail. And while you have, quite graciously, provided me with endless Watership Down and Redwall jokes, my arm sockets are more than a little tired of being so badly abused by your presence.

I recognize that the score has been unfairly evened at this point since Trigger did abscond with one of your young ones a couple weeks ago. I truly apologize, but I did try to warn you. It was inevitable that at some point or other I was going to be dumb enough to think Littles capable of holding the leash for me momentarily. I'm blonde. I realize.

At any rate, I expect you to do your best to derail my last early morning run in the true spirit of revenge. And by derail, I mean, of course, to pop out from under some nearby bush right at that fortuitous moment when I'm airborne so that when Trigger takes off after you, I get yanked halfway to kingdom come. I more than anticipate that you will doggedly (did you see what I did there?) pursue us during my entire three miles so that Trigger will wake up the entire base with his pathetic howls of desperation. You are merciless like that. And devious.

I would excuse your behavior, since I too would be more than a little upset if someone ate one of my babies, except for the fact that this has been going on for three years and Trigger only partook of his Afternoon Snack of Young Bunny two weeks ago. Maybe if I had allowed him a few Afternoon Snacks of Sinewy and Tough Jackrabbits along the way, we would be on better terms. Hmm. Something for you to think about Friday morning.

To conclude, I'm glad that we are moving to a place known for its whales instead of its rabbits. Whales seem significantly less disruptive. You should take notes.

Yours in farewell,

PS It wasn't me. It was you. msf

He's watching you.
And in his mind you are very tasty.
And entirely catchable.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Rabbit mothers on your cell phones at the golf course,
    You are OK. I know that you love all your babies, even the ones you let get eaten by dogs because you were Instagramming yourself with a new filter that makes you look extra-pretty. That is totally fine--you deserve a chance to feel beautiful and not guilty about your babies being eaten… That was the open letter I was expecting, in light of recent open letters on FB, but this one works too. I miss your dog a lot. His face is almost as cute as your children.