Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Plans for Life

God’s purposes are not for me to understand His plans: His plan is for me to understand Who He is.
Ann Voskamp
When I found out I was pregnant with Littles, pregnant at 22, pregnant just 4 months into marriage, I thought my life was over. My hopes and dreams were dead. My plans for myself were utterly destroyed.

Three and a half years later, there are days when I still struggle not to think that. I've certainly been told that. That I'm wasting my life. Being a stay-at-home mom was not a part of my game plan. I was going to get my masters, graduate with honours, travel the world with the Man, teach and write and gain a name for myself in the intellectual community. I had the skill set to do so.

But, you see, God likes to remember things that I would rather conveniently forget. Things like my potentially life-ending depression, an ongoing struggle that has defined great chunks of my life.

Perhaps that is why He gave me the Little Man, because having someone else to care about and care for, while certainly obliterating my chance of worldly success, gave me a desire to live. He gave me something tangible on the dark days, something demanding that I stand up and fight.

Years down the road, I can see this. See that what I thought was the end of my life was in fact God saving my life.

That's why it makes me wonder, why twins? Why now? In what is arguably the worst possible timing available. Does He see something I don't see? Is He remembering something that I would prefer to forget?

This gives me hope.

Because I know that our God is good, He is sovereign, and He doesn't let even the tiniest detail escape His notice. And it may take me another three and a half years before I understand the why, or another thirty, or I may never know. The point is that I can camp out in fear and anger or rest in hope--it all depends on how I choose to understand what He has planned for me.


  1. Beautiful words and honesty!! It is all in how we look at things.......:)

  2. Touched my soul. These words came right at the moment when the Get Back To School, Why am I home feeling start to creep in. Thanks :)

  3. What perfect words for me to hear today. Thank you for sharing your heart - it blessed mine.

  4. Thank you so much for writing this. I don't even have babies, but I struggle with the same things. Thank you for being a faithful, wonderful momma to your boys! You are going to be an incredible mom of 4 :)

  5. I am thankful for God's faithfulness to you and how he has worked. This gives me peace when I think of Josh being deployed and I can only be there to help for 2 months. But I know that the Lord is your ever present help, and he provides wonderful help from his other children. So yes, we HOPE and REST and TRUST and GROW instead of despair, worry, doubt, or shrivel up.