And Oh!

We're all learning stuff around here.

 Sometimes life is full of little moments that bring a sudden "Oh" of understanding to me. Not necessarily anything deeply profound but more than a mere blip on the radar. It can happen between heartbeats, and the ordinary I've been seeing appears less ordinary, whether that means there is the hint of the sacred acknowledged or an unexpected realization of who I am.

Like this afternoon when I was cutting up Tiny's PB&J til it looked like the communion bread they served at my old church (we did chopped up slices of white bread instead of cross-embossed communion wafers--practical and economical) and--Oh! My sons and I are breaking bread together, and even bread that's been smeared with peanut butter and sticky jam counts.

Or hearing from an old friend about her upcoming permanent change of station (even though we haven't lived in the same city for a year and a half now) and a sudden wave of missing and--Oh! The rest of my life is going to feel like that, at least to a certain extent, missing what I already don't have.

Or when the Brown Eyed Boys look up at me from the small plastic table and its pair of yellow chairs as they eat their lunch or when I walk through the front door holding only the diaper bag because both boys are proudly crossing the threshold on their own and--Oh! Have I suddenly become superfluous? Already?!?! And does this kind of feel great?

Or when I find myself writing a letter in my head {Dear People Who Lived Here Before Us, I understand that you probably left in a hurry (being military like ourselves), but was it really necessary to affix multiple tiny pieces of sticky tack all over the middle bedroom and then LEAVE IT for some poor person like myself to diligently scrape off with a tiny paring knife? At the very least, you could've used tacks. Also, letting your kids put stickers on the walls and then not removing the whole sticker? Really? I'm speechless. Sincerely, the Sucker Who Moved In After You} and--Oh! I'm either going to have to learn how to suck it up or I'm going to be whining about rentals for the rest of my life (evidently while missing people I haven't seen in years).

Or getting frustrated with Littles as he runs both Percy and Thomas on the track, full throttle and shivering angrily head-to-head, each trying to go the opposite way, as their batteries die an early death and--Oh! That's Jacob wrestling with God (because inevitably the stronger engine wins)--that's me fighting with my husband (we don't get very far and wear ourselves out)--that's me, too, pushing my will instead of His.

And I have no idea how to encapsulate those moments here after a day of changing the kitty litter and walking the dog and scrubbing down walls and getting peed on (though technically that was last night--and that's what I get for cutting Tiny's fingernails while he is in the nude), but I hope that maybe you'll read this and something will click in your head about your day and you'll go: Oh! And suddenly it will all make sense. Or possibly make less sense, which can be equally exciting.