Monday, September 9, 2013

Twin Blurbs

You know you're pregnant with twins when:

  • At 23 weeks, you're praying for tights weather because you've grown out of almost all of your maternity shirts, and, when wearing dresses sans tights, every vagrant breeze and the curious hands of your toddler children threaten to dispose of the last shreds of your modesty. Incidentally, there are many vagrant breezes in this neck of the woods...and the curious hands of my toddlers seem to get curiouser and curiouser every time we are in public.
  • Your belly has grown so fast that you keep accidentally bumping into people and things with it. This includes, but is not limited to, your children, the stroller, the floor, unfortunately strangers, anyone who attempts to hold a door for you, the shower stall, etc.
  • You can see Baby B moving around excitedly but not Baby A...because the bottom part of your belly is completely out of your line of sight.
  • Rolling over in bed causes a small earthquake. The dog refuses to sleep with you on account of past psychological trauma.
  • People start asking you if you're due this month when you still have half the pregnancy to go. In an attempt to not respond hormonally, you unintentionally shame them for their ignorance of your twin pregnancy. You then eat a carton of ice cream in order to deal with the guilt.
  • You are seriously considering rearranging your entire fridge so that everything is on the top two shelves and you don't have to bend over to get food the twenty times a day you feel a deep need for sustenance.
  • I know I've said this one before but: your sheet of ultrasound pictures is almost as long as you are tall.
  • Your stretch marks have stretch marks (that possibly have stretch marks).
  • You can't remember any of the other twinant jokes you've come up with over the last few days that would've done such a good job of the self-mockery you so enjoy.
{More serious deployment blog coming soon by popular request. It is still in the works.}

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