Monday, October 21, 2013

beauty(full): finishing

I spent today painting this bookshelf. And then repainting it and moving it back to the nursery and then going to war with it over getting the shelves back in and then repainting over the ensuing casualties of war and then finally stocking it with books and other paraphernalia.  And please, please, I beg you, do not judge this bookshelf by the picture I took of it. It looks really cute in real lighting and not the manufactured lighting I had to produce with the help of a handy friend once I finally finished things at 9pm. Or so.

I want to tell you that the lesson I learned about beauty today is that it requires hard work and perseverance, but I don't think that's completely true. You see, it wasn't about hard work or perseverance today: it was about my own stupidity and sheer dogged stubbornness that I was going to finish at least one thing (one thing!) when I don't feel like anything else is getting finished these days. I also fully realize that it would've taken a smarter, more experienced painter about half the time and effort it took me. I got the job done, but someone else would've done a better job of it and finished it two days ago.

I could tell you that the lesson I learned fell right in line with the Nester's motto, "It doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful," but I'm not entirely sure that it's beautiful and I tried obsessively to get it as close to perfect as possible. So...yeah...not there yet.

I will tell you this, though, the fact that it's done (even if I end up moving various items around on it--and yes, I realize that the lamp is lightbulb-less) makes me feel a little bit less stressed out about things. Did you know that told me to pack my hospital bag this week? Seriously?! I'm only at the 29 week mark, people! Can we say overkill?

I promise you that I'm not going crazy about the fact that the nursery is not done yet, or anything along those lines, but it is driving me crazy that I don't feel like I'm really accomplishing much these days. The dishes I wash with my belly propped up against the sink ledge get dirty again. The sheets I struggle to put on the beds get peed on again. The boys I strain valiantly cuddle and hug need to be comforted again. I am in an endless cycle where the work gets done just to be done all over again. And this doesn't even touch on twinancy where the end seems to be no where in sight.

This is not a bad thing. It's just a thing.

But sometimes, feeling like I've finished something, even something as small as painting a bookshelf, is what I need to feel like beauty has been realized. Sometimes it's finding some free artwork online, printing it off, and rearranging some picture frames. Sometimes it's...yeah, no, I can't even think of a third example for you because this kind of moment has been so rare lately.

I'm not talking about the everyday beautiful small things here. I did those today too: drinking a mug of hot cocoa and savouring the half-melted marshmallows at the end, taking the boys to a bookstore and actually buying them books, eating dinner by candle light... No, I'm talking here about purposefully taking the time to create something beautiful, from start to finish. Not petering out. Not losing interest. Not giving up. But saying: no matter how insignificant this might seem to someone else, it matters to me, and I will work to bring beauty into my home. That's what I'm talking about.

And that's what I needed today. Even if I almost killed myself trying to make it happen.

This picture is a freebie for you.
And an explanation for why this blog is so late.
Hard to type with cat-belly.
{If you're looking for the rest of this series, all the links can be found here. Thank you so much for joining with me this month.}

1 comment:

  1. Your bookshelf project looks awesome! And I really love the picture of you and the cat. So artistic!