Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Day Twenty-Two: Tired

The second bathroom didn't get cleaned today. All the cleaning supplies are sitting on the sink waiting for me, and there's an empty spot on my To Do list that is just begging for a check mark. This would bother me except I'm too tired to drag myself off the couch and go back upstairs to clean.

That, and I have the hiccups, and hiccups are the worst.

While we're confessing things, I made it one day on the Whole30. In our home, it shall now be referred to as Marian's Whole1. I got out of bed this morning after being up a good portion of the night with Bruiser and just about collapsed on the floor. I was shaking uncontrollably and literally broke out in a cold sweat as I tried to get down the stairs for some serious carbs. Honestly, I think my body was being a bit of a drama queen, but evidently nursing twins and doing the Whole30 do not a good combination make.

There is a point to this. Hang in there.

Really, you should be able to guess the point. Because if yesterday I talked about how change is painful, the obvious follow up is this: change is TIRING.

Being in a season of transition will plain wear you out.

Let's stay on the honest train, having twins will leave you with more than a few sleepless nights. Then moving and getting settled: also exhausting. Making new friends? Emotionally wearing. Then throw in a 31 day writing challenge, revamping our eating program, and starting Littles in pre-K (the faux-homeschool version--faux-school?) and I have about twenty minutes of spare time a day during which time I'm trying to squeeze in a shower because no one else in the family wants to live with un-showered me.

Today I showered while bleaching the bathtub simultaneously (multitasking may or may not be my middle name). This should buy me an extra five minutes later in the evening.

So. Yes. Tiring. And let me drive home the point: transition is taxing even without twins etc. Starting something new (or ending something old) is just plain tiring.

Case in point, as a foot loose and fancy free junior in college, I did a semester of study abroad in England. Keep in mind: I'd lived overseas before. I'd visited England before. I didn't have to learn a new language. I had no kids or significant other to drag along (neither did I have a lot of possessions to weigh me down. But I'm pretty sure that I took a nap every single day for the first month I was there (unless I was traveling, which doesn't count).

You know what's great, though, about being tired from transition?

It's okay! And it's totally normal! So you're not weird at all if you start a napping habit. At least, that's what I tell myself.

What I'm saying is, when we're in seasons of change, why don't we cut ourselves some slack?

Understand that it's tiring, and if right now is a really bad time to subsist on fruits, vegetables, and protein, eat a carb or two and forgive yourself the sugar you put in your coffee. Eat as healthy as you can and leave it at that.

Understand that it's wearing, and if you need to take a quick nap, let the kids build an epic train track and go lie down for a few minutes. They should all still be alive and in one piece when you get back.

Understand that it's just plain exhausting, and leave the second bathroom for tomorrow. That ring in the tub isn't going anywhere.

Trust me, there are times to hold yourself to a rigidly high standard and then there are times of stressful, exhausting change. Don't get the two mixed up.

So cheery and the sun wasn't even up yet.
And I hadn't even had my coffee.
There should be laws against that.

One of my favourite Bible stories is in 1 Kings 19. Elijah is running from Jezebel who has just killed off the prophets of God and is leveling death threats against Elijah. He escapes into the desert and collapses, telling God that he's ready to die now, and then falls asleep. God sends an angel with some food who wakes him up after a little while, delivers the food, and lets Elijah fall back to sleep. After some time, the angel comes back with more food, Elijah eats, and then walks for 40 days and 40 nights before falling asleep again, this time in a cave. When he wakes up, he has the famous encounter with God where God isn't in the wind or the earthquake or the fire but in the gentle whisper.

You know what I really love about that story, aside from the fact that Elijah doesn't do things by halves? God knew Elijah was dead tired, and He fed him and let him sleep.

God knows we are tired, and He is inviting us to rest.

Yes, there is so much on your plate. Trust me, I get that. The floor needs to be swept and the laundry needs to be put away and now the kids are awake and your hair desperately needs to be washed and you can't remember the last time you cut your fingernails (they're starting to look like your own personal set of cooking knives) and dinner needs to get started and someone just scraped their knee and now it's time to go meet a new friend and somehow pull it together so that maybe they'll like us…and it never stops.

God knows we are tired. He knows. And He's inviting us to eat some bread baked over coals (see, Whole30? God approves of carbs!) and drink some cold water and get. some. sleep.

The season you are in right now is tiring. That's its nature. Give yourself some grace, a slice of bread, and a nap. It's just a season. It doesn't last forever.

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1 comment:

  1. The moral of the story is that Sugar=Necessity for successful walking.